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I realized there was something painfully ironic today when I was walking down the street and I saw a few guys (from a local fraternity, I believe) trying to be masculine. Wearing huge football jerseys, horribly baggy jeans and beat up sneakers (seemingly a uniform around here for some guys), they walked around together still trying to maintain a little bit of masculinity- that is, everything they did seemed to scream one loud “no homo”. Of course, this made it almost more painfully ironic, because the more they worked against this self-perception, the more they embodied it- just in a creepy, somewhat anti-self-actualizing way.

And then it hit me. Masculinity has really changed over the years, especially in America- but also in Europe and Canada to a lesser extent. To be “masculine” now, men seem to try to fit into these little ridiculously stupid “gender roles” and do poorly at it- as if loudly screaming for Generic Local Football Team #56 somehow gave them credit for having a penis. Further, everything about them- the lack of decent clothing, the poor grooming habits, their messy vehicle (a truck, go figure), and even their speech continued to scream “I’m a guy”. But somehow it just didn’t hit the mark- for all of the effort and attempts, it just came off as poor, unwashed, and generally boring.

So, it’s time to work against the stereotypes. In this article, I’m going to explain where these nasty little expectations have come from, why they are ridiculous, and how you can work against them- not to come off as a “metrosexual” or something silly like that, but to come off in a confident, suave way.

The History of Masculine Gender Roles, Cliffs Notes Edition

It’s always easy to presume that the way the Western world handles masculinity is normal. This is as wrong as it could possibly be.

Back in the 1940s during WW2, masculinity (and patriotism) were cherished like crown jewels in the West- it was our crutch, a kind of proverbial launching pad that helped mobilize entire nations against each other. And, naturally, images of masculinity and strength began to come out in full swing. Of course, most are familiar with the image of Rosie the Riveter- a kind of self-reliant woman- which was used to encourage women to pseudo-independence to “help the work force” (among other things). But, more interesting for men, it began to facilitate a new kind of man- the grizzled, rough, and unkempt man. Of course, the pictures of American/British heroes were no longer ones of clean shaven strong men- they were of slightly haggard warriors, worn men with leather-like skin and strong hands who were ready to kill for their country.

Of course, this changed a lot. Images of these rough men in t-shirts (standard issue underwear for the U.S. Army/Navy) came home- and it became acceptable to wear. Before this time, men were expected to be clean shaven and well dressed- now the rules were changing. The idea of a muscular man in very little became sexy- and it came back home with the soldiers. Actors like Marlon Brando and James Dean helped them out, giving them a “rough” look- and thus, the sexy badboy was born in the American mind.

Of course, this didn’t really stop the roles from changing there. In fact, stuff got exponentially more interesting.

Flash forward to the 60s. Culture was changing drastically, and so was fashion and the idea of men. Culture all across the Western world became much more liberal and relaxed- of course, hand-in-hand with rampant drug use and anti-war movements. More pertinently, however, was the idea of James Bond- a suave, woman magnet super-spy. James Bond had everything a man wanted- cool technology, great fashion, more sex than a male prostitute with absolutely beautiful women, and the affirmation of an awesome job well done. He quickly became an icon- a kind of symbol for ultimate masculinity.

Jump forward to the 70s. Less of the 60s extremism, but music kept getting better and culture became even more defined- and thus came Dirty Harry. Made in 1971 (so somewhat loosely still part of the 60s according to some), Harry Callahan is a quick tongued man with a huge gun. Harry, following the archetype that would be abused for years to come in horrible Steven Segal movies, is a cop that breaks the rules and the red tape and shoots first- he’s almost an anti-hero. But he’s a badass- and though he isn’t as suave or as sexy as James Bond, he still acts as a cultural icon.

Now the 80s and the era of the hyper masculine. This is the era of the powerful wrestling shows- this is the era of Hulk Hogan, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Sylvester Stallone. One of the most powerful images in this era of powersuits is that of John Rambo, the hyper-muscular hyper-violent former Green Beret killing machine. Rambo is essentially indestructible- he talks even less than Dirty Harry, carries a gun three times as big, and wears very little- he’s a bundle of muscle and ass-kicking.

So, what’s so important about this? Well, to paraphrase a recent documentary touching on the topic, Bigger,
Stronger, Faster*, the transition from the 60s to the 80s was absolutely enormous. In simple terms, we went from a country in the 40s that began to flirt with the ideas of the “rough badboy” to a country that, in the 80s on, is now clearly obsessed with becoming muscular and powerful with little words- and in some senses, with absolutely no attachment to females.

But how do I qualify these statements?

Why these roles are so stupid

Let’s take a look at three of the people I just mentioned that are representative of their culture- James Bond (the 60s), Dirty Harry (the 70s), and John Rambo (the 80s)- and let’s take a quick look at what makes them so interesting.

For you movie buffs out there (or those of you that played Goldeneye 007), you probably know that James Bond’s main gun for most of his movie shots is a Walther PPK- a small pistol that is legitimately tiny- a secretive sidearm, not a huge weapon. Bond talks a lot with women, but keeps his words simple and to the point- and he has a legitimate confidence and control over his scenario. As I’ve said before, James Bond is a great character for men to follow- and a pretty damn good role model for the 60s.

Dirty Harry is a big different. With about 4 or 5 inches added to his gun (now a huge revolver rather than a tiny pistol), Harry doesn’t talk as much, and seems to somewhat grunt through his teeth more than anything else. He’s confident and savvy, but not in the direct sense- he’s a rebel, the kind of guy who is really under control only in the sense that very little is under his control.

John Rambo is basically walking steroids (joke somewhat intended). Rambo barely talks and basically solves his problems by murdering them- quite literally. He’s strong and confident, but only in his own ability to make what he doesn’t like disappear. Women are conspicuously absent- he kills men, and women barely really stand him other than in the obligatory sense. His famous gun? A huge machine gun, with a nearly two foot barrel.

So why am I focusing on the guns, the talking, and the women so much? Because that’s what matters. Without sounding like a gender studies professor, there is legitimacy in saying that a lot of the scenarios in these movies are largely figurative- you can read a lot between the lines. Rambo wields a big gun because it is representative of a huge penis- Bond has no need for it for obvious reasons. Rambo is essentially proving his masculinity by having the “biggest”- it’s being contrasted to the small futile weapons of the people against him. Do note how even the knives he uses are absolutely massive. James Bond dresses well and looks nice because he has the confidence to- Rambo and Dirty Harry coddle viewers into thinking they can get away with not dressing well. The nasty caveat to James Bond is that most realize you can’t walk around in tuxedoes and (then) excellently designed clothing all the time- the later movies seem to focus less on class and charm and more on the action, as if such a thing is irrelevant. Women are (essentially) lacking in Rambo and Dirty Harry films as if to infer a fraternity-like “men only” atmosphere, whereas earlier films “blend” better. Face it- Rambo could be somewhat impotent for all we know- we’re simply urged to enjoy his base violence.

Of course, before I get nasty e-mails, I don’t hate Rambo or Dirty Harry. Hell, 80s-era action movies are pretty damn amusing, if only for their corniness. The problem is, simply put, that these movies carry a very heavy cultural weight with them- they are the reason why a lot of our culture is the way it is today. A lot of us as kids saw the Rambo movies and took them to heart- and we learned to emulate and admire our heroes, taking cues on how to act.

Having a big gun like in Rambo or a big car like in The Fast and the Furious is a way to protect against impotence. Wonder why the guy in the Enzyte commercials didn’t have a sportscar or carry a big gun? He didn’t need to (he was too busy being paid to promote what we now know is a BS drug). There is something true about the old adage that many cops like being able to carry a gun to make up for something they lack- and be it a size issue or simply an irrational worry of sexual impotency, it’s very clearly an attempt to protect oneself from lacking.

The worst thing? Practically, a lot of “masculine” things in today’s society are women-free in a way that is almost homosexual. There’s this ridiculous sense that a lot of these masculine things are women-free (think the “He-Man Woman Haters Club” from The Little Rascals)- that is, really “manly” things are forbidden from the female touch. Sure, women can be on the outside of such things (think the horrible female commentators on ESPN), but they never really get to be “in” the club- they simply get to look pretty and stay the hell away when it matters.

The idea here, in a nutshell, is that somehow you can become manly by carrying a big gun, driving big expensive cars, not talking much, and only handling women in the most distant way (which one could say leads to a lot of guys objectifying women and having difficulty with serious relationships). Further, it encourages guys to pretend they are masculine by doing these very things- it can range from something as simple as watching sports because “the guys” do or going overboard and actually developing an obsession for guns or “manly” food.

Of course, these are not things that always mean you are trying to be manly- but if you really sit down and think about it, not all guys are into what they are into out of genuine interest- many just seem to attach to whatever seems to “fit the bill”. The problem with this is pretty obvious- it’s lacking of confidence and it’s just lame.

How to go against the grain

So how do you get out of this nasty trap of “masculinity”?

Simply put, you rationalize and try to break your mind free from the media.

This isn’t saying that you should abstain from what I’ve mentioned before- sports can be fun, and hell, guns and cars are damn cool. The important thing to do, however, is to have a solid reason for liking them rather than just “my friends do”- that is to say, to try to enjoy it for itself rather than doing it because others do.

Don’t build up ridiculous definitions of what “is” and “is not” manly- try to be open. Sure, you shouldn’t go spooning with men in your underwear, but don’t automatically presume “female” things (shopping, musical theatre, design, fashion, dancing, parties, television shows, even certain kinds of music) are beyond your realm- be willing to cross into them. Being willing to go into realms like that is not only really masculine and confident, but it will also help you find women- because that is exactly where they are. You are more likely to find an awesome girl at something like a nice jazz club rather than finding one at a shady bar- that’s just how like works. I know plenty of guys who capitalize on Yoga clubs in this way- one guy for every 30 hot and very fit women is a damn good statistic if you’re looking to find someone.

Of course, I’m not saying you should bend to this whole “feminine male” thing- in fact, I hate that, and I’ve expressed that before. Dress like a man, act like a man, enjoy yourself like one. Don’t paint your walls pink and go around trying to “get in touch with your feminine side”- just be a man and be willing to go anywhere you damn well please.

This idea of “Being a man but being open to women” is a tough concept- too often guys are pidgeonholed into the binary of “woman” and “man” to the point where they think it’s a proverbial turf war, establishing boundaries and territories and killing anyone who crosses them. Instead of thinking of things like certain activities as “female” or “male”, rather consider them neutral territory, and simply something for you to explore.

Being a real man means you have the guts to be able to stand up to a lot more than what we may fantasize men fought- while the adrenaline-packed escapades of John Rambo are impressive, it doesn’t take half the courage or masculinity that actually balling up and taking on responsibility does. Real life is rarely about such clear cut black-and-white worlds as seen in movies- and it’s intensely more masculine to be able to make decisions and stick to them rather than adhering to a bland world of “them” and “us”. In the world of Rambo and Dirty Harry, pulling out a gun and shooting fixes things- but in the real world, that never works. There’s certainly a time to beat someone down and even a time to go into full out killing machine mode- but it’s understanding the other times that matters as well. It sounds stereotypical, but even having the guts to stand up and take responsibility for your actions is infinitely more masculine than pulling out a hunting knife and killing things indiscriminately- no matter what movies may infer.

But let’s make this more simple. Face it: as crazy as this sounds, male ballet dancers are badass mofos, mainly because they get to feel up extremely hot/flexible women all day, and in contrast, they have gallons of testosterone. Ignore the tights. They are just hiding a guy who is so damn bold that they are willing to dress up like cokehead clowns to show off their packages. I doubt even I would have the guts to do that, even if I was promised hot women. So think of it this way- which is more manly?- John Rambo, semi-naked penis replacement toting psychopath who seemingly abstains from the female touch, or Joe, the fairly decent guy somewhere in someone’s Yoga class right now around 40 women who all think it’s great to have a hot guy to look at and would essentially all die to go on a date with him?

I think I’d say the latter. Joe, you lucky bastard.

Tags: manifesto, masculine theory, masculinity, men