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Defining manhood is a challenge due to many factors, such as cultural and religious influences. It’s easier to express what is not part of being a man. Anger, pornography, and profanity are some of those things. Here are three more traits that don’t make you a man.

1. Bullying

Any male who has to build himself up by putting others down is not a man. Bullying or making fun of people doesn’t show others that you’re tough, powerful, funny, or superior. It shows that you’re actually insecure and have a weak character that can’t stand on its own in order to attract respect, friendship, leadership, or love. A real man builds up others and speaks out when he sees bullying.

2. Lying, Cheating, and Manipulating

It’s astounding how many men get ahead in their careers and other competitive areas through lying, cheating, and manipulating. When you do these, it only reveals that you’re not as intelligent, skilled, or qualified as you think—or pretend—you are, because you can only beat your competitors by breaking the rules and using power plays. You may get the position, promotion, or prize, but it doesn’t actually mean you’re better. A real man climbs the corporate ladder (or equivalent) through hard work, intelligence, and honesty. (For those who thought this point was going to refer to relationships, it applies there, too.)

3. Sleeping Around

Unfortunately, many men think the level of their masculinity is defined by how many women they sleep with or make fall for them. This belief is found in all types of men, from the sensitive, feminine guy to the stereotypical sitcom caveman. It’s even used to promote behaving in a certain way or adopting a certain view of manliness because the action or quality will supposedly win you more women.

If your end goal in life is to get as many women as possible, and your worth and manhood is determined by that number, it only shows you view women as sexual objects and trophies. To you, they are extensions of your identity, not humans with their own identities. As Jasmine from Aladdin put it, “I am not a prize to be won!”

A real man understands that his value and manliness come from his character. This is more than just your personality. It is who you are at your very core. When you work on improving your character, you’ll find you don’t need to build yourself up through these coarse actions. It will naturally follow because of the real man you are.

Tags: bullying, Culture, lying, masculinity, sleeping around